Some thoughts...

Tonight I decided to sit down and read back through our blog.... what a trip it's been so far...

I know there are family members out there who are still questioning this decision and may not truly understand our motivation, or may just be frustrated by the wait, or may not agree with our decision to go to Africa. I have to admit this makes me very sad. Though reading back through our blog, I realize we haven't truly adequately expressed all our thoughts and feeling on these topics. It's hard to do in a blog, especially knowing the kind of comments and backlash sharing your true feelings and beliefs can cause (both from those we love and the public at large). Believe me, we've heard many shocking things over the past two years...

I guess I'm writing to try to make this a little more real, a little more personal to those who have these doubts/criticisms.

1. Our decision to adopt - Phil and I both love children. We love all ages, we love all types, we love all races. It breaks our hearts to know there are children in the world who are alone. It breaks our hearts to know there are children who don't have enough to eat, who don't have clean water, and who don't even cry anymore because they know no one is there to answer. Of course I have a biological clock, of course we have the same desires as most couples to mix our genes and see what comes out, of course I want to know what it's like to carry a child. But these personal desires are not enough for me to forget about these orphans. Someday we might have a biological child... or we might not. We believe God put this burden for these children on our hearts and we intend to see this adoption through unless he directs us to do otherwise. It IS hard to wait this long when I've wanted to be a mother all my life.... but even after 2 years of waiting, I don't wish we'd made a different decision.

2. Why International adoption when there are so many children in the US? - We live in the greatest country in the world. Americans have more opportunities than those in third, second, and most other first world countries have ever dreamed of. While our desire would be for all children to experience a safe, stable, loving home, it's just not within our reach to make that a reality. We chose to adopt internationally because we felt that was where the biggest need was. While American orphans are afforded opportunities to go to school (even college), their counterparts in some other nations are lucky to survive to the age of 8. Please understand, we have the utmost respect and admiration for those who foster and adopt from the US. These are just our own, very personal reasons for going overseas.

3. Why Africa? - I'm actually going to address the underlying question here, as we have already addressed the literal question in previous posts. While many have asked this question, truly meaning exactly what they say, it's clear there have been others who are actually questioning our decision to adopt black children. As it would not be PC to ask what they're really wanting to ask, I do understand why they would phrase the question in this manner. However, since they cannot truly ask what they want to, they never actually get the answer they are looking for. Well here it is- children are children. I'm going to admit something here, and this is part of what I was alluding to earlier when I said I wanted to make this more real, I wasn't really open to going to Africa at first. Of course I always knew the orphan situation was the most dire in Africa. I just didn't know if we were equipped to raise black children in the south. We all faced peer pressure in school, so just trying to imagine what it would be like for our kids, who might not ever feel like they really "fit in," scared me. And it still scares me. But when you stop and think about these small things American teens deal with, and you begin to contrast them with the struggles of teenage orphans in Africa, you realize those fears are just excuses. I believe Africa was always God's plan for our family, I was just clinging to my own understanding. I'm not going to claim to know for a fact this was God's plan, but knowing all this, it's not surprising our Kazakh adoption didn't work out. My will just took a year and a half to bend...

4. What if they have HIV/AIDS? First I'll give the logical answer: most orphans don't. They are also tested. To bring an HIV/AIDS orphan into the US you also need a lot of additional documentation, so safeguards are in place. Now I'll give the answer my heart is screaming: we'll deal with it! At least we have access to ARVs in this country that make HIV more of a chronic condition than a fatal one. Better they live in a place where they can be cared for than die in a place where they can't. We know some believe it's "not our fight," but we feel this adoption is God ordained and that he won't give us more than we can handle.

5. Two babies/toddlers at once, are you crazy???? Haha. This one isn't so serious. But I do want to assure all those mothers out there that I'm not floating around in a dream world thinking everyday will be non-stop laughter and hugging (though if you know Phil well, it's kinda hard to believe it WON'T be :) ). We just seem to get a lot of "You'll see when you're parents.." and "just wait...." comments. Yes, ladies. I understand how hard this will be and I'm hoping to have your support rather than "I told you so..." I know I will be exhausted, I know I won't be able to even go to the bathroom on my own- that's why I'm trying to enjoy my sleep and personal space now. Got it? :)

Well, I hope this helped. I know it helped me. And thank you so much to all of those who have shown us unwavering support and love. Our babies are so blessed to have such an amazing support group already in place.

We love you all!

Amy (& Phil)